Let’s face it – life is what happens when the universe gets bored and decides to play The Sims with real people. Between existential crises, questionable fashion choices from our past, and the fact that bananas exist but we still can’t agree on how to open them properly, existence is weirder than any sci-fi movie. Here’s why life is the greatest comedy club you never bought tickets for.
1. The Human Condition: We’re All Just Wingin’ It
• 99% of adulthood is saying “I should know how to do this by now” while frantically Googling
• We’ve mapped the human genome but still can’t fold a fitted sheet
• The average person spends 6 months of their life waiting at red lights (and 3 years deciding what to watch on Netflix)
Pro tip: The secret to adulthood is maintaining eye contact while nodding, even when you have no idea what’s happening.
2. Technology: Our Greatest Frenemy
• Smartphones can recognize our face but autocorrect still thinks we’re “ducking” happy
• We invented self-driving cars before self-cleaning houses
• The most used app feature is still “forgot password”
Fun fact: The average Millennial has reset their passwords enough times to have theoretically created every possible combination by now.
3. Social Norms That Make Zero Sense
• Saying “you too” when the waiter tells us to enjoy our meal
• Waving at someone then realizing it’s a stranger
• Pretending to text when we see someone we want to avoid
• The universal “nod up” for acquaintances vs “nod down” for strangers
4. The Seven Stages of Every Workday
- “I’m gonna be so productive today!”
- “Maybe just one quick scroll…”
- “Wait, when did it become 3PM?”
- “I should meal prep… or just eat cereal for dinner again”
- “Why is my chair suddenly so uncomfortable?”
- “I’ll just finish this one thing…”
- “HOW IS IT MIDNIGHT?”
5. The Human Body: Nature’s Worst Design
• We can remember every embarrassing thing we’ve ever done but forget why we walked into a room
• Our knees sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies by age 30
• We developed the ability to blush – the one emotion that announces itself physically
Medical mystery: Why do we yawn when tired but also when we see someone else yawn? Is this some kind of biological chain letter?
6. Time: The Ultimate Practical Joke
• Childhood summers lasted approximately 47 years
• Adulthood years pass in 15-minute calendar notifications
• The time between “I don’t need glasses” and “WHERE ARE MY READING GLASSES” is roughly 2.3 seconds
7. Why We Keep Playing This Game
Because somewhere between:
• The first sip of morning coffee
• That text that makes you snort-laugh
• The moment you find money in old jeans
• The way dogs get excited even when you just came back from taking out the trash
…we realize life might be ridiculous, but it’s our ridiculous show to star in.
Final Survival Tips:
• Laugh at yourself first – it takes away other people’s power
• Embrace the plot holes – they make the best stories
• Remember: Nobody actually knows what they’re doing
• The meaning of life is probably just to enjoy the ride (and maybe pet more dogs)
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go Google “why do my elbows make that noise” at 3AM.