Let’s be real – if life were a Netflix series, it would be canceled after one season for being too unrealistic. Between our bodies’ weird design flaws, society’s unspoken rules that make zero sense, and the fact that we’ve all pretended to text to avoid human interaction, existence is stranger than any fiction. Here’s why life is the greatest improv show where no one gave you the script.
1. The Human Body: Nature’s First Draft That Somehow Got Published
• We can remember every embarrassing moment from 2006 but forget our own phone number
• Our knees sound like bubble wrap by age 30
• We developed the ability to blush – the one emotion that physically announces itself
• The appendix: evolution’s participation trophy
Fun fact: Scientists still can’t explain why we yawn when tired AND when we see someone else yawn. It’s like our bodies are stuck in some weird chain email from 2003.
2. Technology: Our Overpriced Frenemy
• Our phones can recognize our face but autocorrect still thinks we’re “ducking” happy
• We invented self-driving cars before self-cleaning houses
• The “forgot password” button remains the most clicked feature in human history
• Somehow, printers know when you’re in a hurry and choose violence
3. Society’s Unwritten Rules That Make Zero Sense
• The “nod up” for acquaintances vs “nod down” for strangers
• Saying “you too” when the waiter says “enjoy your meal”
• Pretending to understand mime performances
• The universal understanding that if someone’s headphones are in, you don’t talk to them (even if it’s your spouse)
4. The Seven Stages of Every Workday
- “Today I’ll be productive!” (lies)
- “Just one quick scroll…” (more lies)
- “Wait, how is it 3PM already?”
- “I should meal prep… or just eat cereal for dinner again”
- “Why does my chair suddenly feel like concrete?”
- “I’ll just finish this one thing…”
- “HOW IS IT MIDNIGHT?”
5. Time: The Ultimate Practical Joke
• Childhood summers lasted approximately 47 years
• Your 20s disappear faster than cookies at a dietitian convention
• The time between “I don’t need reading glasses” and “WHERE ARE MY READING GLASSES” is roughly 2.3 seconds
• Every generation thinks the next generation’s music is terrible (even though our parents said the same about ours)
6. Why We Keep Playing This Game
Because somewhere between:
• That first sip of morning coffee
• A text that makes you snort-laugh in public
• Finding money in old jeans (the adult version of treasure hunting)
• When dogs get excited even if you just took out the trash
…we realize life might be ridiculous, but it’s our ridiculous show to star in.
Survival Guide for Earth (Because Apparently We Need One):
• Laugh at yourself first – it ruins the joke for everyone else
• Embrace the plot holes – they make the best stories
• Remember: Nobody actually knows what they’re doing
• The meaning of life is probably just to enjoy the ride (and pet more dogs)
• Always keep snacks in your bag – hanger is real and it’s terrifying
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go Google “why do my ankles crack like glow sticks” at 3AM.