Let’s be real—if life were a Netflix series, it would be canceled after one season for being too unrealistic. Between our bodies’ bizarre design flaws, society’s unspoken rules that make zero sense, and the fact that we’ve all pretended to text to avoid human interaction, existence is stranger than any sci-fi movie. Here’s why life is the greatest comedy show you never auditioned for—and how to laugh your way through it.
1. The Human Body: Nature’s First Draft
• Knees: By age 25, they sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies. By 30, they’ve developed their own weather system.
• Memory: Can recall every embarrassing thing you did in 2007 but forgets why you walked into the kitchen.
• Blushing: The only emotion that comes with a built-in embarrassment amplifier.
• Wisdom Teeth: Proof that evolution has a dark sense of humor.
Fun Fact: Scientists still can’t explain why we yawn when tired and when we see someone else yawn. It’s like our bodies are stuck in a never-ending game of telephone.
2. Technology: Our Overpriced Frenemy
• Autocorrect: Changes “ducking” to… well, you know. Also, “I’ll be there in five” somehow becomes “I’ll be there in Fiji.”
• Printers: Can smell fear and choose violence accordingly.
• Passwords: The average person has reset theirs enough times to have theoretically created every possible combination by now.
• Smartphones: Can recognize your face but still asks if you’re a robot when you click too fast.
Pro Tip: If your Wi-Fi is slow, just glare at the router. It works 0.01% of the time, but that’s better than nothing.
3. Society’s Unwritten Rules That Make Zero Sense
• The Nod Hierarchy: “Nod up” for acquaintances, “nod down” for strangers. Violate this, and chaos ensues.
• The “You Too” Trap: When the waiter says, “Enjoy your meal,” and you reply, “You too!” (Now they have to enjoy their own meal?)
• Elevator Etiquette: Staring at the floor like it’s the most fascinating thing in the world.
• Headphones In = “Do Not Disturb”: Even if you’re just listening to silence.
Bonus: The universal understanding that if someone’s pet is cute, you must acknowledge it. No exceptions.
4. The Seven Stages of Every Workday
- ”Today, I’ll be productive!” (Delusional optimism.)
- ”Just one quick scroll…” (The lie we tell ourselves.)
- ”Wait, how is it 3 PM?” (Existential crisis.)
- ”I should meal prep…” (Eats cereal for dinner.)
- ”Why does my chair feel like a medieval torture device?”
- ”I’ll just finish this one thing…” (Famous last words.)
- ”HOW IS IT MIDNIGHT?” (Repeat tomorrow.)
Pro Tip: If you ever feel unproductive, just remember—someone, somewhere, is getting paid to name paint colors.
5. Time: The Ultimate Practical Joke
• Childhood Summers: Felt like 47 years.
• Adulthood Years: Disappear faster than free office snacks.
• Aging: The time between “I don’t need reading glasses” and “WHERE ARE MY READING GLASSES?” is roughly 2.3 seconds.
• Generational Music Wars: Every generation thinks the next one’s music is terrible (even though our parents said the same about *NSYNC).
Fun Fact: The average person spends six months of their life waiting at red lights. That’s six months too many.
6. Why We Keep Playing This Game
Because somewhere between:
• That first sip of coffee that briefly restores your faith in humanity
• A text that makes you snort-laugh in public
• Finding money in old jeans (the adult version of a treasure hunt)
• When dogs get excited even if you just took out the trash
…you realize life might be ridiculous, but it’s your ridiculous show to star in.
Survival Guide for Earth (Because Apparently, We Need One)
- Laugh at yourself first. It ruins the joke for everyone else.
- Embrace the plot holes. They make the best stories.
- Remember: Nobody actually knows what they’re doing (especially adults).
- The meaning of life? Probably just to enjoy the ride (and pet more dogs).
- Always keep snacks on hand. Hanger is real, and it’s terrifying.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to Google “why do my ankles sound like popcorn” at 3 AM.